The Number One Way for Entrepreneurs to Avoid Divorce

It’s no secret that running a successful business is hard work and takes relentless commitment.

Not unlike running a successful marriage.

So how can you have both?

How can you as an entrepreneur avoid divorce?

As a practicing family law attorney for over 20 years, I see marriages unravel when couples stop communicating.

This article reveals how entrepreneurs can be particularly vulnerable and the number one way to avoid divorce.

Meg Cadoux Hirshberg has been married for over 30 years to Gary Hirshberg, co-founder of the organic yogurt company, Stonyfield Yogurt.

In her bestselling book, For Better or For Work: A Survival Guide for Entrepreneurs and Their Families, Ms. Hirshberg delves into the challenges that arise when a couple is married to a business as well as to each other.

The Most Common Causes of Divorce among Entrepreneurs

Ms. Hirshberg is a contributing editor and former columnist for Inc. magazine.  In her article entitled “Why So Many Entrepreneurs Get Divorced,” she wagers that the divorce statistics for entrepreneurs are higher than the U.S. average.

Ms. Hirshberg lists the common causes of divorce as “financial strain, neglect, lack of communication, and divergent goals.”

By the same token, “conflicting perspectives can destroy a union — specifically if the entrepreneur insists he is acting in his family’s interest, but the spouse believes he is acting in his own.”

Ms. Hirshberg cautions “just as company building can lead to divorce, divorce can destabilize a company, and even sap brand equity if the company trades on a family image.”

The Number One Way to Stave Off Divorce

Ms. Hirshberg’s entrepreneurial husband, Gary Hirshberg, offers his sage advice to entrepreneurs in the Afterword of For Better or For Work: A Survival Guide for Entrepreneurs and Their Families.

Mr. Hirshberg does “not believe entrepreneurs are genetically more comfortable with risk than others.”  What’s different, he believes, “is that entrepreneurs possess natural self-confidence,” and so their decisions don’t seem risky to them.

He endorses the point in the book where his wife notes the distinctive challenge of uncertainty faced by the spouse of an entrepreneur.

Mr. Hirshberg shares that he and his wife like to use the analogy of the driver calmly negotiating a curvy road and the passenger who feels helpless and sick to her stomach.  While he acknowledges that the passenger seat is very uncomfortable, “riding along in silence only makes things worse.”  He therefore advises:

As long as you are in that car together, you have to talk through what is happening.  You must really listen to each other and seriously consider both of your opinions and feelings…When the family’s security is on the line, such conversations are beyond critical.  Every aspect of the plan – the timing, the expectations, the contingencies – must be carefully considered and vetted.  The challenge for both entrepreneur and spouse is to know when you’ve said all you have to say on the subject, and to accept that the other personal has heard you.  Then you make that decision together.

The bottom line?  Keep talking to each other.

For better or for worse, you’re in this together.

Thanks for reading!  Please share this post with others who might find it helpful.

 

 

 

 

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Five Tips for Family Business Owners to Resolve Conflicts with Family Members and Co-workers

Our last post pointed out three ways family businesses can minimize conflict in the workplace.

Here you’ll get 5 tips for when a conflict with a family member or co-worker arises.

The most common cause of any conflict is lack of communication and failure of communication.

And the longer a conflict goes on, the more resentment builds.  This could ultimately lead to a complete breakdown in the family and business relationship.

When a conflict with a family member or co-worker arises in the business, it’s generally best to approach the other person right away with intent to resolve the conflict.  This can be an opportunity to deepen understanding and improve the relationship.

Before starting a difficult conversation with a family member or co-worker, build trust with these 5 tips:

1.     Set your intention for a positive outcome.   Suspend all judgment about the other person.  Instead of automatically assuming he or she is lazy, selfish, or taking advantage, you might try coming up with three alternative reasons causing the behavior.  For example, it’s possible they may have just had a fight with their spouse.

Avoid starting a difficult conversation with “we have to talk.”   Your family member or coworker is likely to expect to hear you tell him something he is doing wrong.

2.     Carefully weigh your response.   Stay away from correcting or criticizing your family member or business colleague.  Simply listen to find out where the other person is coming from, how they view the world.  Show you’re listening by using a phrase like “I hear you.”

3.     Plan your timing. Hold a positive attitude and make sure you have their full attention.

4.     Get curious.  We are all wired to defaulting to defending ourselves.   Instead of jumping in to defend yourself, you might ask “Do I absolutely know this is true of the other person?”

5.     Take responsibility.  Conflicts are rarely caused by one person.  You might ask yourself “what can I take responsibility for?”  Acknowledging your piece is likely to build trust with your family member or business colleague and he or she is likely to respond in kind.

When a conflict with a family member or business co-worker arises, it’s generally best to address it right away with a positive tone.

Carrying around resentment can take its toll on you.   If left too long, it can lead to a complete breakdown in the family and business relationship.

I’d love to hear from you.  What is a family conflicts you’ve recently experienced?  How was it resolved?

 

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Three Ways for Family Business Owners to Minimize Toxic Effects of Workplace Conflict

Conflict is part of life.  And conflicts can often occur in family businesses.  A “conflict” is generally a serious and protracted disagreement or argument.

The longer conflicts remain unresolved, the more resentment builds.  This could ultimately result in a complete breakdown in the family and business relationship.

When you own a family business, unresolved conflicts can lead to:

• reduced business productivity;
• reduced profitably; and
• breakdown of key family relationships.

Likewise, unresolved conflicts in family businesses can take a huge toll on a business owner’s personal and professional life.

Fortunately, family businesses are in a unique position to reinforce both the business and the family to achieve success.

The most common cause of any conflict – family business or not – is lack of communication and/or failure of communication.

And the longer it goes on, the more resentment builds, so it’s best to nip in the bud quickly before there’s serious damage to the business and family relationship.

Conflicts in family businesses can often arise from:

1. Differing perspectives on how the business should be run;
2. Unmet needs of individual family members and employees;
3. Generational differences; and
4. Family dynamics that pervade the operation of the business, such as family alliances, and sibling rivalries.

Below are three ways that family businesses can minimize conflict: 

1.          Communicate Regularly.

One of the best ways to minimize family business conflict is for leaders to communicate regularly with all family members and employees.  And to stay open and receptive to feedback.

All family members should be clear on the business’s plans and expectations.  No one should be left out.

Ideally, general meetings should be held at least once a year where family business leaders can share their vision for the future.  Other family members can also voice their questions and concerns.

2.          Get the right person to do the right job.

As part of ongoing communication, family business leaders can find out what each family member particularly good at and enjoys.  That can help determine the best role for each family member in the business.

For example, I have two cousins who are brothers.  As kids, they performed a variety of work for their neighbors, such as mowing lawns, shoveling snow, hauling trash to dumpsters.

The older brother had the financial know- how and knew how to make money.   His younger brother loved the physical work and being outside.

Over the years, the business grew into a successful landscaping and construction company.

The younger brother enjoys not having to deal with the books and finances of the business, while the older brother thrives on it.

Likewise, if a family member prefers to be behind the scenes and is particularly skilled at bookkeeping, it would likely be best not to place them in a sales role.

3.          Manage Expectations.

Family businesses are generally passed down from one generation to the next.

Often, the first generation business leader worked hard to grow the business.  Future generation family members might not share the same work ethic.

It can be wise to have younger family members start understanding business fundamentals as early as possible.  Perhaps while in high school, family members can take business courses and work summers in the family business.

In contrast, it can be very effective for younger generation family members to first work outside of the business to expose them to different perspectives and business operations.

In any event, all family members should be clear on their expected role in the business.  And all family members should be aware if another prefers to follow a different career path.

Ultimately, family businesses can minimize conflict and strengthen both the family relationships and the business.

Please contact us with questions or for additional information on how we can help your family business successfully minimize conflict.

 

 

 

 

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