Create Better Relationships by Doing These Three Things Every Day

You know that feeling when you “click” with someone?  It feels like a spark of energy that lifts you up.  And that energy builds on itself making for a real connection between you and the other person.

The good news is we can maintain positive connections and create better relationships with loved ones and those around us by doing these 3 things every day.

1.        Learn before you judge.

It’s super easy to judge others.  And let’s face it – it distracts us from focusing on our own life circumstances.

But there is always something to learn from someone who has different experiences and perspectives. So, when you feel yourself start to judge or criticize, choose to learn one new thing from the other person.

2.        Prioritize the relationship over being right.

In our relationships, it’s common to take the other’s actions, behavior, or words personally.  But the truth is that things other people say and do rarely if ever, have anything to do with you.  It’s a reflection of their own experiences, perspectives, and beliefs.

Once we recognize this truth, it can be much easier to let go of needing to be right.  And instead, choose to make the relationship more important.   You can then be free to choose actions that make the relationship stronger.

3.        Tee up your mindset.

No doubt about it.  When you interact with others from a positive mindset, the possibilities are endless.  The idea is to get yourself into what Tony Robbins calls a “peak state.”  You might also take a cue from these powerful routines that several successful entrepreneurs swear by to up their game each day.

Ultimately, and according to Robbins, the ability to control your emotions is essential to improving your relationships.  When you’re in charge of your mindset, you can listen with understanding and what the other person needs.

And when we communicate with a real understanding of another’s viewpoint, with genuine curiosity, respect, and compassion, our personal relationships will become stronger and more rewarding.

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Four Tips for Keeping the Family Peace this Holiday Season During the Pandemic

The holiday season can be stressful under normal circumstances.  But this year, the pandemic brings additional challenges.  How will we spend time with family members and other loved ones this holiday season?

Arguments can easily erupt when family members have very different opinions about how to keep themselves and loved ones safe from the virus.

For example, perhaps you traditionally host the holidays, but your brother tells you he prefers to stay put this year with his wife and kids.  He doesn’t want to risk potentially spreading the virus to other family members, especially your elderly parents.  Your parents, meanwhile, are offended.  They feel your brother is needlessly avoiding the family and they’re disappointed they won’t get to see their grandchildren for the holidays.  For dicey situations like this and others, here are 4 tips to help keep the family peace this holiday season:

1.        What’s the plan?

First, as the traditional holiday host, decide with your spouse and/or any immediate family members what you feel comfortable doing this year.  For example, would you prefer to host a virtual holiday celebration?  If so, decide whether or not to deliver the meal to all family members beforehand.

2.        Reach out.

Once you decide how to host – or not to host at all – reach out to extended family members to let them know your decision and ask for their input.  For example, you might send a group text and schedule a time for a group phone or video call.

3.        Listen to understand.

Everyone needs and wants to feel heard and appreciated.  But not everyone knows how to express themselves in positive ways.

If a family member makes a snide remark, for example, recognize that lashing back defensively is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  Instead, really listen to how they feel and where they’re coming from.  Then you can explain back what you hear or simply acknowledge with “this sounds really important to you.”

Essentially, it’s best to stay focused on respecting the choices of other family members who bow out of family gatherings this year.

Taking the time to truly understand where others are coming from can make everyone less defensive.  And when you articulate your concerns, especially for any family members at high risk, others will be more open to understanding your perspective.  The goal is to work together to make plans that are acceptable to everyone.

4.        Stay flexible.

After speaking with extended family members, you might ultimately come up with additional or alternative ways to celebrate the holidays this year.  These might include outdoor activities or virtual traditions like watching holiday movies or shopping online together.

Overall, remember like anything, this too shall pass.  And in the moment, we can take this opportunity to find creative and new ways to maintain and strengthen our connections with loved ones.

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These Types of Marital Assets are Often Overlooked in Divorce

Divorcing spouses typically obtain or exchange information about each other’s incomes, assets, and debts acquired during the marriage.  This process, called “discovery,” typically includes exchanging documents that include bank and other account statements, credit card statements, and employment records.  Accurate values for assets like a home, business, or retirement plan, however, might require outside professionals like appraisers or accountants.

While you might be familiar with certain financial assets in your spouse’s name, it’s likewise important to consider these “assets,” which are often overlooked in divorce:

Stock Options & Restricted Stock

Corporations are increasingly granting stock options as compensation for past or future services.  Likewise, costly litigation can arise over whether stock options are marital assets, and if so, how they should be valued and divided.

Capital Loss Carryover

Generally, if the sale of an investment or capital asset like a piece of real estate resulted in a loss, it can be used to offset capital gains, or otherwise, to lower ordinary income tax liability. Capital losses can be carried forward into subsequent years as needed until they are fully deducted.

For example, in a recent divorce case, I represented a wife whose husband carried over losses claimed for commercial real estate on his separate income tax returns for several years.  Yet, in the divorce, the husband insisted the wife should share in tax liability when the property was sold.  If the Wife had agreed, it would have cost her tens of thousands of dollars.  Fortunately, we were able to resolve the issue out of court.

Collections and Memorabilia

Personal property is an area where valuable assets can be easily overlooked.  It’s important to consider these potentially valuable items to divide in the divorce:

• Jewelry
• Furs
• Collections of coins or stamps
• Guns or other weapons
• Recreational vehicles
• Artwork
• Antiques
• Sports memorabilia and trading cards
• Classic cars
• Fine wines

Credit Card Reward Points

When dividing up assets in a divorce, it can also be easy to overlook credit card rewards points.  Generally, credit card rewards earned during the marriage are likely considered a marital asset, regardless of which spouse earned them.

The above assets are just some that can have significant value and easily get overlooked.   It’s therefore important to consult with an experienced family lawyer to make sure you don’t walk away from potentially large amounts of money in your divorce.

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