Even before the pandemic and resulting historic state-wide New Jersey court crisis, divorcing spouses could expect to save time, money, and aggravation by reaching out of court divorce agreements.
But when the pandemic forced courthouses to close for most in-person trials for over a year while putting judge nominations on the back burner, the number of judge shortages has reached a catastrophic level as case backlogs increase. As a result, New Jersey courts are overworked and understaffed.
But you can bypass the family court process by reaching out of court divorce settlements that resolve all issues including child custody, parenting time, child support, college costs for children, alimony, and division of marital assets and debts.
Below are 5 concrete actions to help you reach an agreement for an Amicable Divorce:
1. Manage emotions.
In my 25-year experience as a family law attorney, this is generally the most difficult part of divorce. While it is incredibly common to become frustrated and angry in the midst of divorce negotiations, allowing emotions to control your decisions can lead to a costly and unfavorable outcome.
I use a variety of tools and strategies that can help clients navigate painful emotions that often arise and to facilitate direct communication with their spouses. For example, you might see you don’t need to take certain actions by your spouse personally and instead become curious about the underlying reasons with the goal of building trust during negotiations. The importance of listening cannot be overstated because generally before people are willing to settle, they need to feel their interests are truly understood.
It can also help to tackle agreement with your spouse on smaller issues first, which can create momentum and motivation to resolve the larger issues.
2. Tend to the kids.
If you have children, they need both of you now more than ever. Consider the future that you want your kids to enjoy with each of you. Start right away by taking concrete steps to minimize conflict in the home. It can be helpful to think in terms of cooperation instead of confrontation, difficult as that can be in the midst of a divorce. It is generally best for kids to spend time with each parent on a regular basis. So, to this end, work together to come up with a mutually agreeable custody and parenting time agreement.
You and your spouse might also consider how large upcoming expenses for your kids will be paid – things such as buying your teen a vehicle or college tuition – to avoid court for such decisions.
3. Inventory the financials.
Ideally with your spouse, take stock of all assets and debts acquired during the marriage, as well as marital income and expenses.
You can start by assembling important documents that include bank statements, tax returns, and documentation for values of debts, assets, including pensions and retirement accounts, and property valuations.
4. Consult with financial and/or tax advisors.
They can help you decide on important financial decisions that include whether to keep or sell the home or how to structure and leverage assets that can help each of you achieve short- and long-term goals. Financial and tax advisors can also be instrumental in helping you develop short- and long-term budgets.
5. Hire a divorce and family attorney you trust.
Ideally, you and your spouse should each engage your own creative and experienced solution-oriented attorney for advice and to help expedite the resolution of all issues in your divorce.
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